I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

i dont really go into detail with my blogs on this profile since its just my backup pretty much. but i didnt want this on my main one.
so me and my boyfriend broke up, again.
we dated from april 11-may 22, and then june 11-june 29. its suchhh shit. i mean i dont regret it, i had some fun times, but i probably wouldve done things differently if i could do it again. i shouldve known after the first time that it wouldnt be any different. and the reason he broke up with me this time was b/c him & his ex girlfriends 1 year anniversary wouldve been june 25th.. like okay, WOULD have been, get the fuckk over it already. it would be way more understandable for him to still have feelings for her if she hadnt of cheated on him when they were dating and had been with that guy for like 6 months now. like what are you gonna do, try to break them up? yeah then she'll love you. he just "all of the sudden" realized he still had feelings for her, like wooow thanks for telling me after we've been hanging out/dating for 3-4 months now, perfect, douche bag.
the sad thing is that i dont even miss him, i miss the people i hung out with b/c of him and just being out doing stuff. i guess i was kinda using him, but not completely, i did like him. but he was very annoying and extremley boring most of the time. i always thought about breaking up with him but never did b/c i didnt wanna lose the friends and stuff that i had b/c of him, which i did when he broke up with me. another shitty thing was that he had just met like half of my family like 2 days before we broke up, which is great cause then when they asked about him next time i saw them all i got to say we broke up. wonderfulllll.
buuuut yeah, im not really sad about it, just boreddd cause i hardly ever hang out with a lot of people now & i did when i was with him. so that sucks. but ill get over it.

sooo i havent made a set in a while cause i usually make them on my main page.. & since this is my get-away "secret" page i cant like share them or whatever. & this is one i havent told my best friend about sooo yeah im making it on this profile.
 
so yesterday i got off grounding! me and my best friend have been grounded since june 10th.. its the 19th, so it was abouuutt time. but she spent the night that night and we bought weed from one of our friends.. :) hahah and we were gonna camp out and smoke it but it was raining, and then she was a biiiiitch and told her boyfriend we got weed so him and my boyfriend and another guy snuck over cause they wanted some. and shes such a fucking pushover she gave them ALL of it, and we paid 20 dollars for that shit and 10 of it was my money. anyway. we were all in my front yard and my mom woke up and saw we werent in my room. they guys ran off, with all of the fucking weed cause they were rolling it when we got caught. so me and my friend went inside and got biiitched at by my parents while the guys went and smoked our weed...for free.. and do they EVER pay us back? fuck no. im still so pissed about that, especially at her for giving it to them but at them too cause they should do somethinggg to pay us back. goddamn. like SERIOUSLY. i paid for that shit. im not just gonna let you have it. and we went through SO much to get it that night and she gives it away. and we get caught.
we didnt get caught with the weed, just for sneaking out even though we were in my fucking yard. but my sister had come home at like 12am and we were all outside. i was talking to her and i see the spotlights come on & my mom is standing at the front door. so the guys take offffff and me and emily went in. my boyfriend had my phone.. but had left it on the curb, and i was FREAKING out cause i had tons of messages about the weed on there and i knew my parents were gonna ask for my phone. but thankfullyyy they didnt. but still it was outside and it was supposed to rain. so we got the guys to come back and put it on my window cause my parents were like DO NOT leave or go outside for ANY reason. but anyway we got it & i deleted the messages.
 
soo now an updated blog. this was yesterday- june 18th. my best friend is on vacation. her boyfriend needed me to take him to a job interview cause he got his jeep taken away and had no one else. i picked him up around 1pm and we went to roberts house and picked him, davis, G, and some other guy up. we were all in myy car of course. and we went to some dirt road and smoked. it was so funny cause they had a bong & i have never smoked from one of those before so they were like showing me how to do it. it was hilar. hahaha i didnt get high though cause they didnt have much & they were hogging it anyways. but then we took them back to roberts and we went and saw justin and then he showed us where the job interview was. so i dropped him off. and went to my boyfriends house. and then my grandfathers. and then picked my friends boyfriend up.. after i drove around for 10 minutes cause i couldnt remember where it was hehehe. and then i took him home and went back to my boyfriends and watched him and his brother play video games all night. how fucking fun. it was boring as hell. then i went home around 10pm. fun day.
and now my car smells like weed again. which means i soak it with fabreeze & drive with the windows down 24-7. yayyyy.
 
oh & an update from my last set, ive smoked like 5 times since then! its amazing. but ive only gotten high twice. once with my best friend, it was fucking hilarrrr and then once with anthony, craig, and brandon. that was a pretty crazy day too cause me and anthony were in his truck & he ran into a ditch! so that def killed our high cause they were all freaking out. i know i probz sound like a pot head but im not i swearrrr! but i do like getting high every now and then, it just makes everything funner :) hehe.

ALL my shit lately has been blogs but i just kinda lost interest in polyvore but this thing is my diary..even though tons of people have access to it, i dont follow anyone i know in real life & they dont follow me. so its private & my bbest friend is like the only person who knows all this shit. consider yourself lucky :P hahah jk. anyways back to my blogging..
 
Monday April 23rd, 2012 i smoked weed for the first time ever! i had never smoked anyyyything until then. so i didnt really get high i just felt kinda zoned out. but i was hanging out with my boyfriend & his friend craig, i met them at craigs, they ate like poptarts, chips and dip, peeps, hot pockets, ring pops, & string cheese within like 1 hour. ew. but then we went and took craigs little brother somewhere and then we went to the GHETTO i was sooo scared, but craig was getting weed. which was great cause we were in my car, so if we wouldve gotten caught i would be dead right now. but anyways, i gave him 6 dollars cause he really wanted it & said he couldnt smoke anymore after that cause he has to do a drug test soon or something and plus his birthday was on the 25th, so i was nice. the drug dealer gave him soo much more weed than he paid for but i guess he didnt realize it so when craig got it he was like GO GO GO get out of here before he realizes this! hahah it was crazyyy. but then we went to this place near his house its just like an empty area in the woods (sketchyyy i know) but craig really wanted me to get high with him and my boyfriend was doing it too, so craig was like im gonna shotgun it to you! and i was like ahhhhh im not ready! but then he did it, and i caughed like a tonnn and they laughed at me :p hahaha, and then mmy boyfriend inhaled it and kissed me & blew it in my mouth hahah, and then craig shotgunned it to me againnn and then i took 2 hits of it. it was so crazy. they were trippinnnn and i was just sitting there like :| whats going on. but i did feel weird and i was just thinking a lot and saying stupid shit. but it was really fun. and my car smelt like straight upppp weed which is really bad but i sprayed a shit load of fabreeze and rode around with the windows down to air it out. but i gotta vaccuum & clean it this weekend incase the drug dogs come to school again! ahaaa. soo yeah.. me & my boyfriend have been dating for 15 days todayyyy how sweet. hehe :)

yep. we snuck out 4-6-11 but technically it was the 7th when we got caught cause it was 2am. her parents woke up. we werent there. called my parents. they all threatened to call the cops on us. we got EVERYTHING taken away and lectured a tonnnn. and they didnt let me go to the beach with her and sent me to my grandmothers while my parents were at the beach. spring break has suckeddd. but they let me hang out with my boyfriend today which is good. and we got our phones and stuff back on friday. so its getting better. they just dont trust us attt alllllll. but oh well.

me & my best friend got 3 days of In School Suspension for skipping lunch when her shoe broke... now we cant exempt exams, gonna faillll. whatever.
last night we snuck out, she ran to my house and then she wanted to drive.. she ran over our big trashcan.. it was HILARIOUS. and my parents totally noticed, even though we put it back up.
anyways, we went to my.. guy friends house, hahah and her boyfriend was spending the night with him soo yeah. they were in the downstairs bed and me and my friend boyy were in his bed. ahaaa :p
it was weird cause we usually end up on a couch.. like forreal, we've slept on like 3 different peoples couches. so it was nice not being squished. not like we werent all over each otherrr but oh well.
NO i didnt have sex with him. we just made out.. and it was really weird, not gonna give all the detailsss but it was craaazzzyyyyy.
had funnnn :) now trying to find something to do tonight.. hopefully something gooodddd :p

so in my last set i told yall i got asked out.. we dated for 4 days. he "got drunk" and cheated on me. he made up a rumor about me kissing his friend so thats why he broke up with me, to make me look bad even though i didnt kiss his friend, but anyways, i found out the truth. but we're still friends.
me and my best friend have snuck out every freaking weekend. its so much fun. we sneak out windows, doors, and sneak in to different peoples houses and shitt and have the time of our livesss! make out with guys and get home at 5am like a BOSS. and havent gotten caught at alllllllll (knock on wood!) ahaha but seriously, its been amazing. besides the fact that my guy was a total jerkkkk, hes still really sweet and funny but he does get on my nerves sometimes, but we hang out a lot, we're kind of using each other i feel like but i really dont give a fuckk cause im living it uppp! :) which would explain my grades recently :/ i have a freaking D in physics and a low C in pre cal.. ive ALWAYS made As and Bs.. not anymore. but i still made it to the honors society banquet thing and got a trophyy, how cool. anywayyyyy, just had to blog. :)

ive seriously had some of the best times of my life.
ive snuck out, lied to my parents about everything, and lived it uppp :) with no regrets.
4 weeks ago, me and my best friend said we were going to our friends bonfire and spending the night with her. we did go to a bonfire, with guys and spent the night with them :) and the week after, we said we were going to the movies with friends, lied, hung out with guys again. then the monday after.. the drug dogs came to our school.. they smelled weed in my best friends car cause we had been driving in it the night we hung out with them (we werent smoking) but other people were. so they called her parents and they called my parents and we got in some trouble but lied and said that our friend at the bonfire was smoking.. hah LIES. and then this friday i went to the movies with this guy and two other people, i didnt lie about that though. and the guy asked me out :) in the taco bell parking lot hahaha :) and then i got home at like 11:45pm and got my stuff and went to emilys to spend the night.. we snuck out around 1am and came back at 4am! hung out with the guys :) didnt get caught. it was amazing.
the past few weeks ive just stopped worrying so much, which is bad sometimes b/c my grades dropped some and i have gotten in trouble, but these past few weeks have been the bestttt <3
 
except for right now cause i cant do anything cause im sickkkk as a mother fuckerrrr. :/
 
no regrets no matter what happens*

christmas break is almost over.. one more day and then its back to school for the last 5 months of my junior year. excited? yes, only for summer. for not being at school. i dont really know why though, not like i ever do anything anyways. i dream of adventure & excitement but i get so depressed b/c i know it wont ever happen while im in this stupid town. i know people usually come from a small boring town and then grow up and move somewhere great but always still kind of love their old town.. i wouldnt. why would anyone care about an ugly, small, boring, lifeless town that like no one has even heard of? i hate it here. and i know, everywhere probably gets boring after a while, but you have excitement for a while first, not here. theres nothing to do. the mall with like 2 good stores? the lame movie theatre that costs 10 bucks a movie per person, thats the only choice of things to do around here. seriously? who designed this place? did they ever think what there was to do for entertainment, for life? i seriously think they had some mental problems.
 

more ranting.
so theres this guy, met him on myspace forever ago!
yeah yeah, dont trust people you meet on the internet, whatever, its not like he lives far away, and i know people who know him ive just never met him before. my best friend of course hates his guts, im starting to think she hates every guy who likes me. yeah, she does. anyway, i think he's superrr nice and he's pretty cute from what i can tell. i was talking to him last night, not gonna say our whole conversation but this is something he said to me.. "yeah well i know you probably wont believe this or might think i say this to every other girl but i wouldnt hurt you. Youre so amazing and beautiful. i dont see why any guy would hurt you. they should be lucky to have you as a part of their life as i would. i might not be able to give you everything that you want but i would do my best to be there for you and give you the things that you need. i wouldnt hurt you and i know you could never date me but just be happy that is all i care about. the guy you do choose just make sure he is in it for the right reasons. Dont let someone take advantage of you."
how freakinn nice is that? i LOVE it when guys send long messages :) rarely happens though. but yeahh i kinda like him, havent told anyone besides you! hahh just kidding theres probably no one reading this. he also said that he will never give up on me. i guess ill never know for sure until i try but im pretty sure he will. it just seems like he understands, and maybe he's just a guy who knows what to say to get a girl, but i dont know that yet. i dont know how id ever hang out with him though since my best friend hates him and doesnt know i even talk to him. i just dont know what to dooo.
 
p.s. i think i might be depressed...

qoute of my life.
i have trouble letting people in. trust issues i guess.
every guy these days only wants a girl for sex.
some think they're the good guys because they want a relationship with the sex. not good enough.
 
and if you find a guy who doesn't want it, he's exremley ugly or just really weird.
 
my opinion, a guy can not be sexy and nice/kind/whatever. if he's sexy, everybody wants him or wants to be like him, so it makes him conceited/cocky. if he's not sexy, no one wants him so he's nice because he's trying to find someone who does like him for being nice, but not attractive.
 
it just doesn't work out.
 
yes, i have plenty of guys who want me.
but not one of them need me.
and they invite me over at 1am.. why not during the day? hmm. i wonder what they want from me.
 
and then they tell you all this bull shitt after theyve ignored you for a while, they break up with who theyre dating and then text you saying theyve missed you.. ? im pretty sure when you miss someone you dont ignore them? i hate that.
 
and sure, guys can be "nice"..when they wanttt you.
there's this guy who was so nice to me, he lives on the street right next to mine, sounds great right? until you see him hugging and hanging out with other girls. and honestly, i didnt like him b/c i wasnt attracted to him, but i loved having someone want me. so he came to my house one night when my parents were gone (not to do anything) just to hangout. he was really sweet in an awkward kind of way. i sat in a chair and he came and sat in it with me, so we were squished together. he ended up putting his arm around me and trying to kiss me a few times. i didnt really know anything about him and like i said, i wasnt reallyy attracted to him so i didnt kiss him back, but once we sat back i could feel his heart beating fast, might sound kind of stupid but i liked that, it made me feel like i wasnt just any girl that he didnt really care about.. and idk if it was b/c he was mad or nervous or maybe embarrassed but i didnt care. i liked that.
and after he left he texted me saying he was sorry for trying to kiss me when he didnt know how i felt about him. which was sweet. we still talk and we have a class together, and he still invites me over.. but its always after 10pm.. and that makes me scared b/c i dont wanna get rapeddd hahah, you never know.
he has a lip & tongue piercing and 3 tattoos i think. so he's not the ideal type to tell your parents about. so i keep all of the above a secret to them.
 
oh & even though deep inside i didnt think he was hot, (he's not ugly just not my type i guess) still a little part of me wanted him. and the worst part? my best friend HATES his guts. she tells me everyday how ugly/weird/annoying he is, and she means it. so even if i wanted him, i couldnt have him. (hahaha, i JUST got a text message from him, just btw!) but my best friend would nottt talk to me everr if i dated him. not like i would date him but i dont want her to determine who i date. she's SO opinionated and shares it way too much. and i can't just get rid of her cause we've been best friends since we were like 3 years old. shes like my only true friend. so what would i do? nothing. i cant do anything about it. she's so freaking spoiled and rude and impatient. and i seriously hate her sometimes. but theres nothing i can do about it.
 

sorry for the long rant, not like anyone read it.
 
and guess what, he just invited me over.

:p